生活中有哪些英文的笑話

❶ 英語幽默笑話超短

英語幽默笑話如下：
1.Before the final examination, Tom told his mother, "Mom, I had a dream last night that I'd passed today's exam.""Don't trust dreams, dear. It is said what you experience in dreams usually turns out to be the opposite." Mother replied."Then I do hope I'll fail the other subjects in my dream tonight," Tom said.

在期末考試之前，湯姆告訴他的母親：「媽媽，我昨天晚上做了一個夢，夢見我通過了今天的考試。」「不要相信夢，親愛的。據說夢中的經歷通常與現實相反。」媽媽答道。「那麼，我真希望在今晚的夢中，我的其他功課都不及格。」湯姆說。

2.Big hands
Teacher: If I had seven oranges in one hand and eight oranges in the other, what would I have?
tudent: Big hands.

大手
老師：如果我左手上有7個桔子，右手上有8個桔子。那麼我有什麼？
學生：大手。

3.Teacher: If I cut a beefsteak in half and then cut the half in half, what do I get?Tommy: Quarters.Teacher: And then if I cut it twice again?Tommy: Hamburger.
老師：如果我把一塊牛排切成兩半的兩半，我能得到幾塊兒？湯米：四塊。老師：那我要是再切兩次，我能得到什麼呢？湯米：漢堡。

4.
On the way home after watching a ballet performance, the kindergarten teacher asked her students what they thought of it. The smallest girl in the class said she wished the dancers were taller so that they would not have to stand on their toes all the time.

在觀看完芭蕾舞表演回家的路上，幼兒園老師問學生的觀後感。班上最小的女孩說，她希望舞蹈演員可以長得更高一點兒，那麼他們就不用整天踮著腳尖了。

5.Correct
Teacher: Jimmy, what are the three words which pupils use most often at school?
Jimmy: I don』t know...
Teacher: Correct.

很對
教師：吉米，學生在學校里經常用的三個字是什麼？
吉米：不知道……
老師：很對。

❷ 簡單的英語小笑話有哪些

我這有幾個英語小笑話： 校園幽默四則
1.
Two Birds
Teacher: Here are two birds, one is a swallow, the other is sparrow. Now who can tell us which is which?
Student: I cannot point out but I know the answer.
Teacher: Please tell us.
Student: The swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is beside the swallow.

兩只鳥
老師： 這兒有兩只鳥，一隻是麻雀。誰能指出哪只是燕子，哪只是麻雀嗎？
學生：我指不出，但我知道答案。
老師：請說說看。
學生：燕子旁邊的就是麻雀，麻雀旁邊的就是燕子。

2.
The Fish Net
"Can you tell me what fish net is made, Ann?"
"A lot of little holes tied together with strings." replied the little girl.

魚網
"你能告訴我魚網是什麼做的嗎，安？" 老師發問道。
"把許多小孔用繩子栓在一起就成了魚網了。" 小女孩回答道。

3.
The New Teacher
George comes from school on the first of September.
"George, how did you like your new teacher?" asked his mother.
"I didn't like her, Mother, because she said that three and three were six and then she said
that two and four were six too....."

新老師
9月1日， 喬治放學回到家裡。
"喬治，你喜歡你們的新老師嗎？" 媽媽問。
"媽媽，我不喜歡，因為她說3加3得6, 可後來又說2加4也得6。"

4.
A physics Examination
Once in a physics examination, Nick finished the first question very soon, while his classmates
were thinking it hard.The question was: When it thunders why do we see the lighting first, then
hear the thunderrolls? Nick's answer: Because our eyes are before ears.

一次物理考試
在一次物理考試時，當同學們都還在苦思冥想時，尼克很快就答好了第一個問題。
這個問題是：為什麼在打雷時，我們總是先看到閃電後聽到雷聲？
尼克的回答是：因為眼睛在前，耳朵在後。

❸ 有關英語的笑話

笑話是實際生活中客觀存在的，作為文學式樣，它的特徵是戲謔、諷刺，其功能是啟迪、警示。它淵源流長、值得研究、探討。下面是我帶來的有關英語的笑話，歡迎閱讀!
有關英語的笑話篇一
A better dishwasher 一台更好的洗碗機

Mrs Williams lived in a small street in London, and now she had a new neighbour.

Her name was Mrs Briggs, and she talked a lot about her expensive furniture, her beautiful carpets and her new kitchen.

"Do you know," she said to Mrs Williams one day, "I've got a new dishwasher1. It washes the plates and glasses and knives and forks beautifully."

"Oh? " Mrs Williams answered." And does it dry them and put them in the cupboard, too ?"

Mrs Briggs was surprised. "Well," she answered, "the things in the machine are dry after an hour, but it doesn't put them away, of course."

"I've had a dishwasher for twelve and a half years," Mrs Williams said.

"Oh?" Mrs Briggs answered, "And does yours put the things in the cupboard when it has washed them?"

She laughed nastily2. "Yes, he does," Mrs Williams answered."He dries the dishes and puts them away."

威廉姆斯太太住在倫敦的的一條小街上，現在她有了一位新鄰居。

這鄰居叫布里格斯太太，她對她的高檔傢具，漂亮地毯和新廚房談論很多。

“你知道嗎?” 有一天她對威廉姆斯太太說道：“我有一台新洗碗機。它洗盤子、杯子和刀叉洗得非常好。”

“哦?”威廉姆斯太太回答說，“它能弄乾盤子、杯子和刀叉嗎?還可以把它們放進碗櫃嗎?”

布里格斯太太很吃驚。“ 嗯，”她回答說，“洗碗機里的盤子、杯子和刀叉一小時後就幹了，但當然啰，洗碗機不能把它們收起來。”

威廉姆斯太太說：“我有一台洗碗機已經12年半了。”

“哦?”布里格斯太太回答說，“你的洗碗機在洗完盤子、杯子和刀叉後能把它們放進碗櫃嗎?”她不懷好意地大笑起來。

“是的，他可以。”威廉姆斯太太回答說，“他把碗盤刀叉弄乾後就把它們收起來。”
有關英語的笑話篇二
My God 我的上帝啊

A Scotsman, carrying a huge suitcase, has been riding a London bus for five miles along its route, all the while attempting to avoid the ticket collector.

Finally, the conctor manages to corner him and tells him to pay up："You've been on for five miles -- that'll be 50 pennies, please, and 10 pennies for your suitcase."

The Scotsman responds："I haven't, I want to have a penny fare, just got on this very moment." They begin to argue, and the ticket collector become more and more enraged1 and finally, as the bus is passing over London bridge, he grabs2 the Scotsman's suitcase, and hurls3 it out of the bus.

It lands in the river and sinks without a trace. The Scotsman stands shocked for a moment and says to the ticket collector, "My God!Not only are you treat to overcharge me for the ticket—but now you're gone a drowned my boy Jenny."

一個蘇格蘭人提著一隻大箱子，坐上了一輛開往倫敦的汽車。上車後，在汽車行駛了5英里的這段路上，他一直在試圖躲開售票員。

售票員最終還是找到了他，並叫他補票:“你已經坐了5英里了，請付50便士，你的箱子還要付10便士。”

蘇格蘭人答道：“我是不會付那麼多錢的。我只付1便士，因為我剛剛上車。”最後，他們爭吵起來。售票員越吵越生氣，終於在車子行駛到倫敦大橋上時，抓起蘇格蘭人的箱子，用力扔出了車外。

箱子掉進河裡，沉了下去。蘇格蘭人驚呆了，怔怔地站在那裡，片刻之後對售票員說：“我的上帝啊!你不僅向我多收票錢，現在還淹死了我的兒子強尼。”
有關英語的笑話篇三
Where Am I 我這是在哪兒

Nat lived in a small town in England. He always stayed in England for his holidays, but then last year he thought1, "I've never been outside this country. All my friends go to Spain3, and they like it very much, so this year I'm going4 to go there too."

First he went to Madrid and stayed in a small hotel for a few5 days. On the first morning he went out for a walk. In England people drive on the left, but in Spain they drive on the right. Natforgot6 about this, and while7 he was8 crossing a busy street, a bicycle knocked9 him down.

Nat lay10 on the ground11 for a few seconds and then he sat12 up and said13: "Where am I?" An old man was selling maps at the side2 of the street, and he at oncecame14 to Nat and said, "Map of the city, sir?"

蘭特住在英格蘭的一座小鎮上。他的假日一直都是在這里度過的，可是去年，他想：“我從來都沒有出過國。我的朋友們都很喜歡去日本度假，今年我也准備去那裡。”

他先是去了馬德里，並在一家小旅館住了幾天。來到這里的第一天，他一早起來去散步。在英國，人們都是靠左行駛，但是西班牙人都是靠右行駛。蘭特忘記了這點，於是在他穿過一條繁雜的街道時，不幸被一輛自行車撞倒了。

蘭特在地上躺了幾秒鍾，隨後坐起來問道：“我這是在哪兒?”這時，路邊正好有一位老人在賣地圖，於是他立即走上前去，對蘭特說：“先生，買地圖嗎?
有關英語的笑話篇四
A dogss bad habit 狗的壞習慣

As a professional animal trainer, I was disturbed when my own dog developed a bad habit. Every time I hung my wash out on the clothesline, she would yank it down. Drastic1 action was called for.

I put a white kitchen towel on the line and waited. Each time she pulled it off, I scolded her. After two weeks the towel was untouched. Then I hung out a large wash and left to do someerrands2. When I came home, my clean clothes were scattered3 all over the yard. On the line was the white kitchen towel.

作為一名專業的馴獸師，我對自己的狗養成的一個壞習慣感到很苦惱。每當我把洗好的衣服搭在晾衣繩上時，它總會猛地把衣物全扯下來。對此，我必須要採取嚴厲的 措施 。

我在繩上搭了一條白色的廚房毛巾，每當它把毛巾扯下來時，我就會訓斥它一頓。兩個星期後，它再也不碰毛巾了。於是，我把許多洗干凈的衣服搭在晾衣繩上後，就出去辦事了。等我回到家時，洗好的衣服分散在院子的各個角落，只有那條白毛巾依然搭在繩子上。
有關英語的笑話篇五
Save Money 省錢

Henry was from the United1 States and he had come to London for a holiday.

One day he was not feeling well, so he went to the clerk at the desk of his hotel and said, "I want to see doctor. Can you give me the name of a good one?"

The clerk looked in a book and then said, "Dr2. Kenneth Grey, 61010."

Henry said, "Thank yon very much. Is he expensive?"

"Well," the clerk answered, "he always charges his patients two pounds for their first visit to him, and one pound and 50 pennies3 for later visits."

Henry decided4 to save 50 pennies, so when he went to see the doctor, he said, "I've come again, doctor."

For a few seconds the doctor looked at his face carefully without saying anything. Then he nodded and said, "Oh, yes." He examined him and then said, "Everything's going as it should do. Just continue with the medicine I gave you last time."

美國人亨利來到倫敦度假。

有一天，他感覺不舒服，便來到旅館服務台向服務員咨詢：“我想看病，你能幫我找一位好醫生嗎?”

服務員翻閱了一下本子，然後說：“肯尼思·格雷醫生，61010。”

亨利說：“非常感謝，他看病收費貴嗎?”

“喔，”服務員回答說，“初診患者收費2英鎊，復診收費1.5英鎊。”

亨利琢磨著能省下50便士，於是，他去看病時對醫生說：“我又來了，醫生。”

醫生一言不發地端詳著他的面容，過了一會兒點點頭說道：“哦，對。”醫生給亨利做完檢查後說：“病情得到了控制，繼續吃上次我給你的葯就可以了。”

❹ 經典英語笑話6篇

英語笑話是指以一句英文短語或一個英文故事讓說話者和聽者之間覺得好笑,或是產生幽默感,笑話是一種經過藝術加工的語言形式,是藝術化的語言,笑話是一種藝術方法。下面是我整理的英語爆笑笑話，歡迎大家閱讀!

英語笑話一：

我要做的一切就是付錢!All I do is pay

"My family is just like a nation," Mr. Brown told his colleague. "My

wife is the minister of finance, my mother-in-law is the minister of war,

and my daughter is foreign secretary."

"Sounds interesting, " his colleague replied. "And what is your

position?"

"I’m the people. All I do is pay."

布朗先生告訴同事說：“我的家簡直就象一個國家一樣。我妻子

是財政部長。我岳母是作戰部長，我女兒是外交秘書。”

“聽上去挺有意思的，”他的同事說，“那你的職務是什麼呢?”

“我就是老百姓。我要做的一切就是付錢。”

英語笑話二：

喂狗 For the Dog

The family seated in a restaurant had finished their dinner when Father Called over the waiter.

"My son has left quite a lot of meat on his plate," explained Father, "Could you give me a bag so that I can take it home for the dog?"

"Gosh, Dad!" exclaimed the excited boy. "Have we got a dog then?"

一家人在飯館里吃過晚飯，父親把服務生叫了過來。

”先生，什麼事?“服務生問。

”我兒子的盤子里剩下許多肉，“父親說，”能給我們一個袋子嗎?我把剩下的東西帶回去喂狗。“

”啊呀，爸爸!“兒子激動地叫喊著。”咱家養狗了嗎?“

英語笑話三：

腦移植 A Brain Transplant

The Brain Surgeon was about to perform a brain transplant.

"You have your choice of two brains," he told the patient, "For $1000 you can have the brain of a psychologist, or for $10,000 you can have the brain of a politician."

The patient was amazed at the huge difference in price. "Is the brain of a politician that much better?" he asked.

The Brain Surgeon replied, "No, it’s not better, just unused."

一個外科醫生正要作一個腦移植手術。

“你可以從兩個腦子中選一個給你。”醫生告訴病人，“一個心理學家的大腦1000美元，一個政治家的大腦10000美元。

病人很驚訝二者之間這樣大的差別，“政治家的大腦好一些嗎?”他問。

醫生說：“不是好一些，只是沒有用過。”

英語笑話四：

不是我的錯

It's not my fault

Mother (reprimanding訓斥，譴責 her small daughter): You mustn't pull the cat's tail.

Daughter: I'm only holding it, Mom. The cat's doing the pulling.

不是我的錯

媽媽(正教訓她的女兒)：你不該拽貓的尾巴。

女兒：媽，我只是握著貓尾巴，它自己在拽。

英語笑話五：

Coins in American Currency 美國的硬幣

There are 100 cents in a dollar. Coins come in the following denominations: $.01 or 1 cent (a penny,a cent, one cent), $.05 or 5 cents (a nickel, five cents),$.1 or 10 cents (a dime, ten cents), $.25 or 25 cents(a quarter, two bits, twenty-five cents), and $.50 or50 cents (a fifty-cent piece).

Coins are called "change", "small change", or"silver" though they aren’t made of silver anymore.

Coins are generally recognized by their size, butsomebody "goofed" on the dime, which is smaller than either a nickel or a penny. All the others are in size order.

One more word for you: don’t hold out your hand with either bills or coins and expect someone to take the correct change from you. That cannot be done in any Western country.一美元中有一百美分。硬幣是按下列幣值鑄造的：一美分，五美分，十美分，二十五美分，五十美分。

硬幣也叫"零錢"，"小錢"，或"銀幣"，雖然它們不再是用銀子鑄成的。總的說來，硬幣是通過大小來識別的，但總有人把十美分搞錯，它比五美分和一美分都要小。其他的都按幣值的大小順序排列。

還有一點要說明：你不能伸出手，托出一把紙幣和硬幣而希望別人從你那裡拿走數目正確的零錢。這在任何西方國家都是不好的。

英語笑話六：

Now We Run 現在我們跑吧

A priest is walking down the street one day when he notices a very small boy trying to press a doorbell on a house across the street. However, the boy is very small and the doorbell is too high for him to reach. After watching the boy’s efforts for some time, the priest moves closer to the boy’s position. He steps smartly across the street, walks up behind the little fellow, places his hand kindly on the child’s shoulder and gives the doorbell a sold ring. Crouching down to the child’s level, the priest smiles and asks, "And now what, my little man?" The boy replies, "Now we run!"

一個牧師正沿著街走路，這時他看到街對面有個小男孩正試圖按一所房子的門鈴。但這個小孩太小了，門鈴又高，他夠不著。看到那個小男孩費了很多勁，牧師走近了他。牧師優雅地穿過馬路，走到小傢伙的背後，輕輕地把手放在小男孩肩頭，按響了門鈴。他彎下身子，微笑著問道：“接下來怎麼辦，孩子?”小男孩回答說：“接下來我們跑。”

❺ 關於幽默英文小笑話大全

互聯網不僅是我們生活中不可缺少的，而且也是我們工作學習之餘緩解壓力、舒緩情緒的重要渠道。正是由於我們有這樣的需要，網路笑話得以繁榮興盛。本文是關於幽默英文小笑話，希望對大家有幫助!

關於幽默英文小笑話：Doctor's Wife

A doctor and his wife were having a big argument at breakfast. "You aren't so good in bed either!" he shouted and stormed off to work. By midmorning, he decided he'd better makeamends and phoned home. After many rings, his wife picked up the phone. "What took you so long to answer?" "I was in bed." "What were you doing in bed this late?" "Getting a second opinion."

關於幽默英文小笑話：Blind Date

A young playboy took a blind date to an amusement park. They went for a ride on the Ferris wheel. The ride completed, she seemed rather bored.

"What would you like to do next?" he asked.

"I wanna be weighed," she said.

So the young man took her over to the weight guesser.

"One-twelve," said the man at the scale, and he was absolutely right. Next they rode the roller coaster. After that, he bought her some popcorn and cotton candy, then he asked what else she would like to do.

"I wanna be weighed," she said.

He really latched onto a square one tonight, thought the young man, and using the excuse he had developed a headache, he took the girl home. The girl's mother was surprised to see her home so early, and asked, "What's wrong, dear, didn't you have a nice time tonight?"

"Wousy," said the girl.

關於幽默英文小笑話：Bingo Winner

This guy had a very attractive wife, who was always wanting clothes, jewelry, etc., but he was not too well off.

One day his wife came home with a diamond neckless. The guy asked: "Where did you get that?"

His wife replied: "I won it at bingo."

The next night she came home with a mink coat. The guy asked: "Where did you get that?"

His wife replied: "I won it at bingo."

The next night she came home with a Mercedes Benz. The guy asked: "Where did you get that?"

His wife replied: "I won it at bingo. Please go upstairs and run my bath for me."

His wife came upstairs to find a very small amount of water in the tub.

The wife asked: "How come you put so little water in the tub?"

The guy replied: "I didn't want you to wet your bingo card".

關於幽默英文小笑話：Slow Driver

Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a State Police Officer sees a car puttering along at 22 MPH. He thinks to himself, "This driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!" So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over.

Approaching the car, he notices that there are five old ladies -- two in the front seat and three in the back - eyes wide and white as ghosts.

The driver, obviously confused, says to him, "Officer, I don't understand, I was doing exactly the speed limit! What seems to be the problem?"

"Ma'am," the officer replies, "You weren't speeding, but you should know that driving slower than the speed limit can also be a danger to other drivers."

"Slower than the speed limit?" she asked. No sir, I was doing the speed limit exactly... Twenty-Two miles an hour!" the old woman says a bit proudly. The State Police officer, trying to contain achuckle explains to her that "22" was the route number, not the speed limit. A bit embarrassed, the woman grinned and thanked the officer for pointing out her error.

"But before I let you go, Ma'am, I have to ask... Is everyone in this car ok? These women seemawfully shaken and they haven't muttered a single peep this whole time." the officer asks.

"Oh, they'll be alright in a minute officer. We just got off Route 119."

關於幽默英文小笑話：The Carburettor

"The car won't start," aid a wife to her husband. "I think there's water in the carburettor."

"How do you know?" said the husband scornfully. "You don't even know what the carburettor is."

"I'm telling you," repeated the wife, "I'm sure there's water in the carburettor."

"We'll see," mocked the husband. "Let me check it out. Where's the car?"

"In the swimming pool."

❻ 英語短笑話大全

冷笑話不同於一般的笑話，以其獨特的制笑機制，能瞬間製造出一種特殊氛圍。我精心收集了英語短笑話，供大家欣賞學習!

英語短笑話篇1

Little boy: Daddy, I want to get married.

小男孩：爸爸，我想結婚。

Father jokingly said: Oh! Who did you have in mind?

爸爸打趣地問道：噢!誰是你心中合適的人選?

Little boy: Grandma.

小男孩：奶奶。

Father: Wait a minute, you did not think I'd let you marry my mother, did you?

爸爸：等一下，你認為我會讓你娶我的媽媽?

Little boy: Why not? You married mine.

小男孩：為什麼不?你娶了我的媽媽。

英語短笑話篇2

As a band instructor at an elementary school, I require my students to turn in practice sheets signed by their parents so I can be sure they are putting in enough time.

作為一個小學的樂隊指揮，為了確保學生投入足夠的時間練習，我要求他們上交由他們父母簽字的練習單。

I had to laugh, however, when one parent wrote on her child's sheet, "Practiced 17 minutes, but it seemed like hours.

可是有一次，一位家長的簽字把我逗樂了。練習單上寫著：“練習了17分鍾，但猶如幾個時辰。”

英語短笑話篇3

A dog owner claimed that his pet, when given money, would go to the news stall to buy a paper. his friend insisted on a demonstration and handed the dog some money - the dog trotted off, but an hour later he had still not returned with the paper.

一位養狗人宣稱：要是給了愛犬錢，它便會到賣報亭買份報紙來。他的朋友堅持要來個演示，並給了狗一些錢。狗一溜小跑著去了。但一個小時過去了，仍不見它帶報紙回來。

"how much did you give him?" asked the owner.

一位養狗人宣稱：要是給了愛犬錢，它便會到賣報亭買份報紙來。他的朋友堅持要來個演示，並給了狗一些錢。狗一溜小跑著去了。但一個小時過去了，仍不見它帶報紙回來。

"five dollars.

“五元。”

"well, that explains it. when you give him five dollars, he goes to a movie.

"這就是了。你給它五元錢時，它就去看電影。

英語短笑話篇4

Gravely ill, a man went to the doctor with his wife. After the examination the physician motioned for the wife to meet him in the hallway.

一個人得了重病，妻子伴隨他去看醫生。檢查過後，醫生示意病人的妻子到走廊見他。

"Your husband is very sick, " the doctor said, "but there are three things you can do to ensure his survival. First, fix him three healthful, delicious meals a day. Next, give him a stress-free environment , and don't complain about anything. Finally, make passionate love to him every day.“

你丈夫病得很重，”醫生說，“但有三件事可保住他的性命。第一，一日三餐，要營養美味。第二，給他一個輕松的環境，不要抱怨。第三，每天都對他傾注熾熱的愛。”

On the drive home the husband asked, "What did the doctor say?"

在驅車回家的路上，丈夫問道：“醫生說了什麼?”

"I'm sorry, " she said, "but you're not going to make it.“

很遺憾，“你活不成了。”

❼ 有哪些英語小笑話給我來十個（越短越好）

1、英語笑話（一）  

老師在黑板上寫了一句：Time is money.並讓同學們翻譯。有名學生答道：「湯姆是瑪麗。」   

小明上英文課時跟老師說：May I go to the toilet?   

老師說：Go ahead.  

小明就坐了下來。過了一會兒，小明又跟老師說：May I go to the toilet?   

老師說：Go ahead.  

小明又坐了下來。他旁邊的同學於是忍不住問：你不是跟老師說要上廁所嗎？怎麼不去？   

小明說：你沒聽老師說「去你個頭」啊！   

2、英語笑話（二）  

某日劉洪濤遇到外賓，上前搭話曰：I am hong tao liu，外賓曰：我TM還是方片七呢！   

3、英語笑話（三）  

江青會見外賓，要求翻譯要嚴格按她的意思翻，不許走樣。外賓一見到江青，立刻拍馬屁道："Miss Jiang, you are very beautiful." 翻譯照翻，江青心花怒 放，嘴上還要謙虛一下：「哪裡，哪裡」。  

翻譯不敢怠慢，把江青的話翻成英文："Where? Where?" 外賓一愣，還有這樣的人，追問哪裡漂亮的，乾脆馬屁拍到底："Everywhere, everywhere."  

翻譯：「你到處都很漂亮。」江青更高興了，但總是要客氣一下：「不見得，不見得」。翻譯趕緊翻成英文："You are not allowed to see, you are not allowed to see."  

4、英語笑話（四）   

話說某年某月的某一天，叄個神箭手約在一起比箭，目標是十尺外僕人頭上的蘋果。A神箭手挽弓長射，咻一聲，利箭正中蘋果。A高傲的昂起下巴，比出一根大 拇指道：「I AM後羿！」  

B神箭手照本宣科，射中蘋果，這回他自大的喊了一句：「I AM丘比特！」  

輪到C了，他也挽弓，利箭射出！ 結果正中僕人的心臟。就聽他結結巴巴好久才吐出一句：「I...I...I...AM...SORRY...」   

5、英語笑話（五）  

某人刻苦學習英語，終有小成。一日上街不慎與一老外相撞， 忙說：I am sorry.   

老外應道：I am sorry too.   

某人聽後又道：I am sorry three.   

老外不解，問：What are you sorry for?   

某人無奈，道：I am sorry five. 

6、英語笑話（六）  

一位來自日本的旅客，坐計程車去機場的路上，看到一輛汽車經過，就說：「oh，TOyOTA！Made in Japan! It is very fast！」又有一輛經過，他又說： 「oh，NISSAN！Made in Japan! It is very fast！」司機有點不高興，覺得他太吵了！當第三輛經過時，他還是說：「oh，HONDA！Made in Japan! It is very fast！」  

後來到了機場，那個日本人就問：「How Much？」計程車司機說：「1000！」  

日本人驚奇的問司機：「為什麼那麼貴？」計程車司機回答說：「oh，mileometer（計 程表）！Made in Japan! It is very fast！」 

7、英語笑話（七）  

傳說柯林頓和教皇同一天去世，上帝搞錯了，把柯林頓送上了天堂，而把教皇送入了 地獄。發現錯誤後上帝馬上改了回來，路上二人相遇。 精彩繼續教皇：感謝上帝，我終於能見到聖母瑪利亞了（Virgin Maria）. 柯林頓（壞笑中）：Sorry，it"s too late. 

8、英語笑話（八） 

小強去看電影，到了電影售票處，發現一個老外和售票小姐連說帶比得好半天，就自告奮勇的上前做翻譯，售票小姐說：麻煩你告訴她，現在坐票售完了只剩下站票，如果要看要站著看。  

小強轉頭就對老外說：no sit see, stand see. if see stand see. 

老外回答說:Sorry I don』t understand your English.  

小強就對售票小姐說：哦，他說他不懂英文....

踩了一個老外的腳，為了顯示咱國家是有名的禮儀之邦，就先SORRY啦，老外更是禮貌有加，就來個sorry too. 

two??the chinese puzzled.恩，咱中國人還不是得禮尚往來？！~那就I am sorry three~   這下老外蒙了，一句what are you sorry for? 

暈，還有完沒完啊，還FOUR？！~哼，偶跟你卯上了，Iam sorry five~(who怕 who？！~） 

9、英語笑話（九） 

我朋友在南大看到一非洲老外：「hello，你媽是猴兒。」老外用純正的天津話說：「你媽是大猩猩！」 

10、英語笑話（十） 

"Are we poisonous?" the young snake asked his mother.  "Yes, dear," she replied - "Why do you ask?"  "Cause I've just bitten my tongue! "                     

「我們有毒嗎？」一個年幼的蛇問它的母親。「是的，親愛的，」她回答說，「你問這個干什麼？」  「因為我剛剛咬破自己的舌頭。」

❽ 英語的笑話有哪些

英語的笑話有：

1、Tom's excuse

Teacher:Tom,why are you late for school every day?

Tom:Every time I e to the corner,a sign says,School-Go Slow.

翻譯：

教師：湯姆，您為什麼每一天上學遲到？

湯姆：我每次走過拐角，一個路標上頭寫著：學校——慢行。

2、A Useful Way

Father:Jack,why do you drink so much water?

Jack:I have just had an apple,Dad.

Father:What"s that got to do with it?

Jack:I forgot to wash the apple.

翻譯：

爸爸：傑克，你幹嘛喝這么多水呀？

傑克：我剛才吃了個蘋果，爸爸。

爸爸：可是這跟喝水有什麼關系呢？

傑克：我忘了洗蘋果呀。

3、These Are My Jeans

After going on a diet，a woman felt really good about herself----especially when she was able to fit into a pair of jeans she had outgrown long ago.

「Look，look.」she shouted while running downstairs to show her husband.「I can wear my old jeans again.」

Her husband looked at her for a long time，when said，「Honey，I love you，but these are my jeans.」

翻譯：

一個婦女在減肥一段時間後自我感覺特別好——特別是當她又能穿上很早以前就穿不上的牛仔褲時。她跑下樓沖她丈夫喊道：「快看，快看。我又能穿上以前的褲子了。」她丈夫看了她好一會兒，然後說：「親愛的，我愛你。但那是我的褲子。」

4、A Monkey and a Flea

Mum: Baby, what』s the difference between a monkey and a flea? Baby: One is big and one is small.

Mum: Anything else?

Baby: A monkey can have fleas, but a flea can』t have monkeys.

翻譯：

媽媽：猴子和跳蚤有什麼不同呢？

兒子：它們倆一大一小。

媽媽：還有呢？

兒子：猴子身上可以長跳蚤，而跳蚤身上卻不能有猴子。

5、Headache

＂I have a bad headache. I'll visit the doctor."

＂Nonsense, yesterday I had a headache, I dashed home, gave a kiss to my wife and the paindisappeared. Why don't you try it?"

＂Good idea, call up your wife and tell her I'll be right over."

翻譯：

「我頭疼的厲害，要去看看醫生了。」

「胡說八道，昨天我也頭疼，我沖回家吻了妻子一下，馬上不疼了，要不你也試試？」

「好主意，給你妻子打個電話，說我馬上就到。」

❾ 5個淺顯易懂的英語小笑話有哪些

1、爆笑英語小笑話1：Whoare stupid？誰蠢？

A teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying 「Everyone who thinks you』re stupid stand up!」

Little Johnny then stood up.

The teacher said 「Do you think you』re stupid Johnny?」

「No ma』am but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!」

一個老師在對學生們講心理學，「誰認為自己蠢就站起來？」她一開始就說。

小約翰尼站了起來。

「你認為你很蠢嗎，小約翰尼？」老師問。

「不是的，老師，我只是不喜歡看你一個人站著。」

2、爆笑英語小笑話2：Agreat man一名偉人

Teacher: Would Shakespeare be a greatman if he were still alive today?

Student: Of course. He must be a great man for so far nobody has lived to over 400 years.

老師：如果莎士比亞還活著，他會是一名偉人嗎？

學生：當然。因為到目前為止，還沒有人活到400多歲。

3、爆笑英語小笑話3：TwoCute dogs

A man walks into a shop and sees a cute little dog.He asks the shopkeeper 「Does

your dog bite?」

The shopkeeper says 「No my dog does not bite.」

The man tries to pet the dog and the dog bites him. 「Ouch」 he says 「I thought you said your dog does not bite!」

The shopkeeper replies 「That is not my dog.」

一個男人走進了一家商店，看到了一個可愛的小狗，於是他問店主：「你的狗咬人嗎？」

店主說：「不，我的狗不咬人。」

這個男人就試圖撫摸狗，然後狗咬了他。「哎呀」他說：「我還以為你說你的狗不咬人呢！」

店主和他說：「那不是我的狗。」

4、爆笑英語小笑話4：Four gold teeth四顆金牙

6.Policeman: Why didn』t you shout for help when you were robbed of your watch?

Man: If I had opened my mouth they』d have found my four gold teeth. That would be much worse.

警察：有人搶你的手錶時，你為什麼不呼救呢？

男子：要是我張口的話，他們就會發現我的四顆金牙。那就更糟了。

5、爆笑英語小笑話5：Barking dogs don』t bite吠狗不咬人

The little girl did not like the look of the barking dog.

「It』s all right」 said a gentleman 「don』t be afraid. Don』t you know the proverb: Barking dogs don』t bite?」

「Ah yes」 answered the little girl. 「I know the proverb but does the dog know the proverb too?」

一個小女孩非常不喜歡狗狂叫的樣子。

「沒有關系，」一位先生說，「不用害怕，你知道這條諺語嗎：『吠狗不咬人。』」

「啊，我是知道，可是狗也知道嗎？」

❿ 經典英語笑話大全

下面是我整理的一些關於經典 英語笑話 7篇，歡迎大家閱讀!

經典英語笑話一：咒語

An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he has been living with for the last 40 years.

一個男人找到一個巫婆，要求她解開一條困擾了自己40年的咒語。

The Wizard says, "Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you."

巫婆說："或許我可以做的到，但你必須一字不落地告訴我下咒的時候說的那句咒語。"

The old man says without hesitation - "I now pronounce you man and wife."

男人毫不猶豫的答道：“‘我現在宣布你們成為夫婦。’”

經典英語笑話二：世界各地的蹩腳英語

①If you want just condition of warm in your room, please control yourself。

日本旅館：如果您想調節您房間的溫度，請控制您自己。

②Please don't feed the animals. If you have any food, please give it to the guard on ty。

匈牙利動物園：請不要給動物餵食。如果您有食品，請喂給值班警衛。

③Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar。

挪威酒吧：女士們不要在酒吧里生孩子。

④Fur coats made for ladies from their skins。

瑞典皮貨商店：為女士們製作的皮大衣，是用她們的皮製成的。

⑤Teeth extracted by the latest Methodists 。

香港牙科診所：由最新的衛理公會教徒給您拔牙。

⑥Drop your trousers here for best results。

泰國的乾洗店：在這里脫掉您的褲子，等待最好的結果。

⑦Specialist in women and other diseases。

義大利婦科診所：我們是women和其他疾病的專家。

⑧Welcome to the cemetery where famous Russian artists are buried daily except Thursday。

俄國公墓：歡迎訪問這個公墓，許多著名的俄國藝術家每天埋在這里，但星期四不埋。

⑨We take your bags and send them in all directions。

丹麥機場：我們將拿走您的行李，送往四面八方。

⑩The manager has personally passed all water served here。

墨西哥旅館：旅館經理將親自為您撒尿。

經典英語笑話三：送出去還有的東西

What can Santa give away and still keep?

Answer: a cold.

什麼東西聖誕老人可以分送出去，自己卻也還留著?

答案：感冒。

經典英語笑話四：聖誕老人的 愛好

What does Santa Claus like to do in his garden?

Answer: he likes to hoe, hoe, hoe.

聖誕老人喜歡在花園里做什麼?

答案：鋤地。(英文里Hoe 和ho同音。hoe是鋤草之意，ho則是聖誕老人的笑聲。)

鉛筆

What do you do if one of Santa’s reindeer swallows your pencil?

Answer: use a pen.

若聖誕老人的馴鹿吃掉你的鉛筆該怎麼辦?

答案：用原子筆

經典英語笑話五：1000元的腦筋急轉彎

On Christmas Eve Santa Claus met an honest politician and a kind lawyer while riding up in an elevator of a very exclusive hotel.

Just before the doors opened the three of them noticed a 1000NT bill lying on the floor. Which one of them do you think picked it up?

聖誕節 前夕，聖誕老人和一清廉的政治人物，以及一心地善良的律師在一家高級飯店一同等電梯，門還未開前，三人同時看到地上有一張新台幣1000元的鈔票，猜猜誰會將它撿起?

Answer: Santa of course! Why? Because everybody knows that the other two don’t exist!

答案：當然是聖誕老人啦!為什麼?因為大家都知道另外兩者並不存在。

經典英語笑話六：Cry

"Tom, what's the matter with your brother?" asked the mother in the kitchen. "He's crying."

"Oh, nothing, Mum," replied Tom. "I'm eating my cake. He is crying because I won't give him any."

"But has he finished his own cake?"

"Yes." said Tom. "And he also cried when I was helping him finish that."

“湯姆，你弟弟怎麼了?” 媽媽在廚房裡問。“他在哭。”

“沒事兒，媽媽，”湯姆答道。“我在吃我的 蛋糕 。他哭是因為我不給他吃。”

“他已經吃完自己的了么?”

“是的。”“我幫他吃完時，他也哭了。”

經典英語笑話七：可憐的男人

A man sat at a bar, had the saddest hangdog expression.

Bartender: "What's the matter? Are you having troubles with your wife?"

The man: "We had a fight, and she told me that she wasn't going to speak to me for a month."

Bartender: "That should make you happy."

The man: "No, the month is up today!"

一個男人坐在酒吧里，傷心至極。

酒吧招待：“你怎麼了?跟老婆鬧矛盾了?”

男人：“我們吵了一架，她說一個月都不跟我說話。”

酒吧招待：“那你應該高興才是啊!”

男人：“不，今天是這個月的最後一天。”